Now, after our separation, I wonder if indeed I was right. What I had and what I lost? What I miss and what I managed to get used to it very quickly? This and many other unanswered questions pass constantly from my mind.
Yeah, I’ll admit, I miss those messages that begin with “I know you’re sleeping but…”, I was reading as soon as I opened my eyes and a new day was beginning for me. I miss the games we used to play together and only together. The songs that we listened to some nights and you cried in my arms begging me to never let you go from there. The look in your eyes when I did something that I knew I deserved to hold a grudge, but you never did. The color of your voice. Oh and never hear the voice. But not your real voice, the one that you use when you talk to the world, the one who listened to me and only me, full of warmth, full of love. Even if you were miles away, I felt that you’re beside me.
Don’t miss your love. Full of the world from people willing to offer somewhere in their body. I don’t miss you just you. I’m gone, especially me. I miss who I was every time I was close to you. I miss my other self. It wasn’t for you finally, my other half. Every man alone is the whole and I don’t need anyone to complete it. Just with some you can feel that the completion of yourself. Take strength from the look in their eyes and you feel that no one can beat you.
To know that you left. And from the moment you left, I haven’t yearned not once in the moments that I went out with coffee, walking hand-in-hand and kiss me in front of everyone without nothing to be ashamed of. The only thing I miss is that feeling that you can’t meet a friend, known to you or your family. That feeling that you feel that you belong somewhere, the beautiful kit. The safety and the confidence you gave me that only your arms.
But I care and will care about you. And I’m asking even if you don’t never know. I know you better than anyone. Or rather, not. I don’t know you anymore. I knew while we were together. Now you’re a “known” yet. One of those many that the only messages in the chat will be for many years, and those are usually out of obligation. How did we become so eyes, me?
At night before I go to sleep I think the phone will ring and you will be. You’re telling me that you love me and that I can sleep tonight knowing that you are my guardian angel. Did I lose you? You lost me? Who’s to blame, it doesn’t matter. Everything happens for a reason but I still don’t have him figured out. Live more happy now away from me? You chose a meaningless freedom of a great love?
No. And so today I don’t miss you. And I won’t let myself succumb to the power of custom. I’m fine without you, and I hope you that you left to you’re better. But, remember, nobody will ever love you like I do. That in as many hugs and if you find yourself no one will give you the warmth of my own. I don’t tell you this out of ego. I say this with love. Because I loved you with all my “is” and you left with the cliche “I’m no longer in love”. When you know what love is, let’s talk about it.
Why, if love can make you do crazy things a lot, for your love can you make the biggest sacrifices!
Text editing: Paulina ΠανÎÏη
Confession of the heart:”I miss the things you made me feel…”
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