Mother – daughter relationship: taking Care of an unsatisfied mother

    The Rose bush Χαρίλα, Psychologist – Psychotherapist, MSc Occupational Health,
    The title seems paradoxical, as what we all have in our minds is the mother to take care of a child and not the child of a mother…
    Many women and girls arrive in my office with an agony of fulfilling expectations. An indefinable feeling. A sense of permanent obligation to offer.
    The home was always neat and clean, clothes washed and ironed, food on the table. “I have done so much for you. You don’t miss anything”.
    This care encompasses incrimination and deprivation. There is a duty, but there is no joy. There is no sharing. There is a house but not a home. There is order and cleanliness, but not a relationship.
    “I want your arms, no ironed clothes…”
    “I want to play with me, not to cook for me…”
    “I want a look of affection, I don’t care what you eat…”

    “Is it possible to feel so unpleasant feelings for her? For the one who done so much for me?”
    “Disappoint her. I’m not what she would have wanted from me. I’m not enough to satisfy her…”
    They have felt rejection. They have a huge gap.
    Other times it is covered with food, other times experiencing pain and having self-destructive behaviors…
    Other times with ocd.
    Sometimes the blank is converted into an abdication of love and life, in a never-ending effort to add and to fit activities into their program, but they do experience. It remains an activity, without being part of them.
    I have never felt important. Always someone else win the pride, the look of affection, the attention, the good of their mother.
    Comparison, rejection, disappointment, frustration.
    “I feel like I beg for the love of…”, “Even today I’m trying to ικανοποίησω…”.
    “But I always count what I didn’t do The good it would like that.”
    He feels a little emotionally bereft. He feels that I don’t count “But it’s worth it and to calculate it?” wondering…
    Gives above. A lot more than that. It offers by itself. Deprive yourself of offering to others.
    Until you ask demanding… Until you ask with bitterness and complaint… Until you ask to be spared…
    But he can’t have what he asks.
    Why is sinking…
    Why feel guilty asking for…
    Because he doesn’t know to ask for…
    Why asks like a little girl…
    Why asks like a tired old woman…
    Because it requires satisfaction of hunger as an infant.
    Urgent…
    The likely “No” it will hurt the whole of existence. The likely “Yes” will not be enough to cover it, because everything important will be that it will not take or the next thing I wanted to ask.
    The role of the father – husband in the house
    Many times these women have a loving relationship with their father. That’s more than most corresponds to. They need their pride and joy. They need to look after them as they feel (or be) that they’re the victims of this woman.
    They also have the role of the weak. A marginal character who is forced to tolerate his wife, who uses it, defines it, guiding him. The poor man who is surrendering to the mom.
    What woman is going to be that girl? How you will develop your femininity?
    I don’t know how to be a woman. The female figure, as he lived, he was κακοποιητική and παραβιαστική. It does not allow femininity to itself. The femininity was framed when he was seeking for the pride and the real closeness of her father.
    Questioning what he feels. I can feel validity. I always had to cancel the feeling of “Is it possible to feel so unpleasant feelings for her? For the one who done so much for me?”.
    Can’t trust herself. “Disappoint her. I’m not what she would have wanted from me. I’m not enough to satisfy her”.
    I will endure not to create needs around it, which they are to be satisfied in order to feel important?
    Afford to take care of, without incriminating evidence?
    Afford to take care of it without upset?
    I will endure to φροντισθεί, without being guilty of it?
    I will endure not to φροντισθεί, without disappointed you?
    Has to discover herself.
    Has to bring out her feminine side, απενοχοποιώντας.
    Has to get rid of weights.
    She has to learn to take care of with tender look and be cared for beyond the direct coverage of the needs…
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